Your Christmas Or Mine? (complete)

{AU prompt and special request from springdelirium on Tumblr. Jennifer and Duke meet in a bar a few days before Christmas. An exchange of shitty Christmas pick up lines will ensue. So will some romance. Smut if you're lucky.}

Jennifer trudged tiredly into her favorite pub and gladly accepted a seat at the bar.





"Irish coffee and a plate of Galway Oysters, please?"

Tracey, the bartender nodded and started on the coffee after turning the food order into kitchen.

"Long day, Jen?"

"Kind of. Finishing up Christmas shopping. You know, some little old lady actually snatched a scarf out of my hand at Nordstrom's?"

"You're lucky that's all she did."

Jennifer sniffed in indignance. "What is up with people during this season, anyway?"

Tracey just shook her head with a half smile on her face. They both knew that the answer to that was too complicated to really go over.

The door to the pub opened again and Jennifer suppressed her admiring glance and forced her jaw closed. Tall, dark, and hot came in and took a seat at the bar a few chairs down from Jennifer.

"Can I get you something?" Tracey asked him.

"Scotch. Neat." He sounded irritated. Too many people were this time of year.

Jennifer pulled her book out of her bag and sipped at her coffee. She was too tired to try to be sociable to someone who seemed so closed off.

Tracey made quick work of his neat scotch and then handed Jennifer her coffee.

Duke took his time examining the woman just down the bar from him. It was easy to do since she was too busy reading her book to notice him. What kind of person comes to a bar to read? And was that a latte that the bartender just set in front of her? He was in a sour enough of a mood that he wanted to mock her for it but he bit his tongue. She didn't deserve his ire. She certainly hadn't done anything to him. Like, dumping him just before Christmas.

He gestured to the bartender for another.

Dumped before Christmas. That was a first. Evelyn had assured him it was her, not him. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. He downed that scotch and got a third. The bartender raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

He drank his third scotch a little slower and felt himself focusing in on the woman at the bar. Maybe the kind of person who came to a bar to read and have coffee was one who was lonely and kind of shy.

Jennifer read the same sentence for what she knew had to be the fifth time and still didn't feel like she knew what the hell she was reading. Whatever Special Agent Pendergast was doing was too far beyond her. She was too completely tuned in to the stranger at the bar. And she noticed that he was watching her too. While he drank. A lot. She wondered what that was about. Not that it was unusual for a person to drink at the bar. But he was drinking that scotch like he needed it to breathe. She wanted to say something to him. To start a conversation. But she had no idea what to say. Everything that came to mind sounded so much like a cliché line that she dismissed it immediately and ended up just staring at her book, saying nothing, while berating herself for being a coward.

She hadn't turned the page in a long while. He wondered if she was just pretending to read the book at this point. Maybe she really was just shy. He drank the rest of his glass and this time when he motioned to the bartender she offered him the bottle. He accepted and poured his own, looking around the bar to keep from staring at the woman but always bringing his eyes back to her. He wanted her to look at him. To talk to him.When a waiter deposited a tray of oysters in front of her, Duke felt like he had an opening.

"You like oysters?" He hadn't felt like it was really a very good opening.

Jennifer braced herself. She did, in fact, like oysters. She didn't particularly like all the cliche things that guys had a tendency to say about them.

"Yes. Actually, I do." She made her tone frigid. Just because the guy was good looking, didn't mean that she was going to pretend to be charmed by crass and obnoxious innuendos.

Duke wasn't so drunk that he didn't notice how close to a blunder he was.

"They, uh.. They make them really good here."

She peeked over at him from under her eyelashes.

"Would you like one?"

"Ummm..." He didn't like oysters. But damned if he was going to blow this chance. Hopefully the buzz he was feeling meant that he wouldn't really taste them. "Sure. Thanks. It's really nice of you to share."

She smiled and he felt like the oysters could taste like whale vomit and he would eat the whole tray if she would just keep looking at him like that.

"Here." She settled one in her palm and offered it to him.

He wasn't drunk enough. He forced his expression into something that he hoped was pleased neutrality and managed to thank her before taking another drink.

"So... Um... Big plans for the holiday?" She asked.

"Not any more. You?"

"Mmm... You know. Just the usual. With family."

"Your family live around here?"

She nodded. "Yours?"

He shook his head.

"You're not going to go to them?"

"I didn't take the chance to buy the plane tickets before my plans got cancelled."

"Oooh... Sorry. What happened to your plans?"

"She dumped me."

"God. Oh, God. I'm sorry..."

He held his hand up to ease her.

"It's not like my dog died."

"Yeah, but...." She decided not to say anything about being alone for the holidays.

He did, instead.

"Yeah. Alone for the holidays. I'm a sad cliche."

She wrinkled her nose. "I wish you a merry cliche?"

He gave her a thin smile and shook his head.

"I'm Duke."

"I'm Jennifer. Jennifer Mason."

"Well, Jennifer-Jennifer-Mason. Nice to meet you. Thanks for the oyster."

"Do you want another one?"

"No. Thanks. They don't go real great with Scotch."

She looked at his bottle and shrugged before taking a sip from her coffee.

"So... Um.... Don't you think you should be sitting on top of a Christmas tree, Angel?"

She looked back up at him for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"Cliche Christmas lines?" She asked after she had settled down a bit.

He grinned back at her and shrugged, taking another drink of scotch. He was really good looking when he smiled like that.

"I would definitely let you join in with my reindeer games," she told him.

Taking this as both invitation and encouragement, Duke decided to proceed.

"So... What'll it be? Naughty or nice?"

Jennifer blushed scarlet but couldn't stop the next words from coming out of her mouth.

"I like milk and cookies, but I'd rather have you."

She didn't think she'd ever seen a grown man blush before and was glad she had gone ahead with the rejoining line that most closely matched his question.

Duke was actually stumped for a moment as all the blood rushed to his groin.

"Uhh... Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you."

"Oh! That one's actually kind of cute!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah?" She nodded and he tried another one. "How about if I slip down your chimney at half past midnight?"

Jennifer bit her lips and shook with silent laughter before deciding to go big with her next line.

"What do you say we make this a 'not-so-silent night?'"

"Woah. Checkin' twice, cutie, I'm sure you're on my naughty list... Wanna get on my nice list?"

She kept smiling and trading lines. "Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"I've got something you could hang a wreath on."

She banged the bar with her hand as she laughed and the remaining oysters clattered on the plate.

"How about....," She paused considering the magnitude of her next line. "If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?"

"Hell yes." Duke breathed before he could think. He flinched from his own gauche behavior and looked down into his glass for a moment before looking back to Jennifer. She was blushing too and looking down at her plate of oysters.

"Sorry," he started. "I'm sorry.... I totally messed up on our...uh..." He didn't know what to call it. He just knew he didn't want it to stop.

"Contest?" Jennifer offered.

"It's a contest?"

"Maybe? Kind of? I don't know..." She was feeling more and more awkward. Duke scrambled for something else to say.

"Because, call me a snowflake, but I've fallen for you, cutie-pie."

Jennifer grinned, her discomfort falling away. "I could work with the elves in the ribbon tying department. Because I'm a pretty knotty girl."

"Yeah, well good tidings aren't the only thing I can give you."

"Oh, my gawd... Nice wrapping, but I need to inspect it."

"I'd love to show you what kind of toys my elves make for adults."

"So, you're Santa now? Because I was going to take a picture of you to show Santa what I want for Christmas."

Tracey stared at the scene unfolding in front of her. She knew Jennifer pretty well since Jennifer lived nearby and often stopped at the bar on her way home. In the two or three years that Jennifer had been a regular, Tracey had seen many a man try to hit on her and pretty much every single one of them had got shot down. Whoever this guy was... Not only was he NOT getting shot down, he was getting some of the most shocking, if cheesy, Christmas pick up lines that Tracey had heard bandied about the bar.

Duke could scarcely believe his luck. The woman was gorgeous and that observation wasn't coming from his drunkenness. He was pretty sure he wouldn't have the nerve to talk to her like this without said drunkenness though.

"Well, I got the keys to the sleigh tonight." he joked.

"Wow, did you ever do it in a sleigh?"

"Why, you interested in seeing the North Pole?"

Jennifer couldn't contain her laughter. She knew they were going too far but the truth is, she hadn't had this much fun in years.

"Do you like the song, Jingle Bells? Because you look like you go all the way!"

Duke doubled over with laughter at that one. She had really been tossing out some of the more obnoxious or lewd ones and it occurred to him that she must have heard them before.

"Wow," he said. "What's a nice girl like you doing with a naughty list of lines like that?"

Jennifer drank from her rapidly cooling coffee and giggled.

"I've heard some dandies."

Duke looked a little more serious. "Directed at you?"

"Sometimes." She shrugged. "Often enough just from listening." She looked up at him and her eyes were shining with laughter. "What about you? You use those lines often?"

Duke smiled and shook his head. "At least never with any expectation."

Jennifer tried to eat one of the oysters but they had grown too cool and she felt self conscious with Duke watching her. They could be a bit of a mess to eat and she was vaguely resentful of the realization that she didn't want to appear inelegant in front of him.

"You gonna eat the rest of your dinner?"

"No. They're too cold to eat now. Oh, do you want one though?"

"No. No thanks. I was.. uh... going to see if you wanted to join me for dessert."

She shot him a glance that was both sharp and curious. He held his hands up in surrender.

"I meant that sincerely. I happen to know a really good bakery not far from here. And I could really use something on my stomach."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He looked at her almost shyly. "I suddenly don't really feel like getting blind drunk tonight."

"Ok. I could go for something sweet." She waved to Tracey and left enough cash tucked just under her plate to cover the meal and a generous tip and watched as Duke discreetly passed the bartender a couple of bills.

"Hey," Duke started as he held the door open for her. "You wanna come to my place later and check out my Yule Log?"

Tracey shook her head as Jennifer snorted with laughter and responded, "Sure and you can check out my mistletoe belt buckle!"

The two walked into the night, laughing.